Okay, so I know it has been forever since I posted, and I have a myriad of excuses....great excuses!! But...the truth is, I have not been seeing any results, and I was getting discouraged. So alas, no posts. Not a great excuse, but the truth none the less.
So today I was at school (excuse #1) and a friend of mine asked me if I lost weight. I noticed that my pants were not as tight around my big Brazilian boo-tay as they had been in May, so as soon as I got home, I weighed. And, guess what?? I lost weight! Yep, I weighed in at 122.4! Pretty cool, eh? That's a 6 pound weight loss. I don't think it's water because today I drank 64 ounces and have yet to go to the bathroom.
So, I started thinking. Did I lose weight because of the Shaklee?? Bonus $500 if I did, but unfortunately, I quit using Shaklee in June due to allergies. Could it be from the Nutritional Response Testing? Probably. That would be the most logical reason...eating better, watching my portion control, taking supplements. But then I started thinking, I realized the real reason was because I had been talking with an adorable man that I met through a "mutual friend" (yep, let's just leave it at that). We emailed, we talked on the phone, we texted. It just seemed right that we meet, right? Everything was going swimmingly and he was ADORABLE!! Can you hear the Jamaican drums and singers chanting, "hot hot hot"? Yep, I heard them, too!!
So we met! And, well, he didn't seem to hear any bells or chimes of his own. Alas, rejected again. But this time, the skinny me got pissed!! She fought the rejection by emerging from her Nutella covered shell. She hasn't stayed out, but I think she will be back, sooner than anticipated.
So, the remedy for a broken heart?? Find your skinny self and realize the savior's precious blood is all you need. Works for me.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
school days are here again!
So this week begins the days that I set up the classroom, preparing for the bulletin boards, setting up the desks, arranging my little area, making the room sunny and happy! Just now, a pit rolled over in my stomach! That happens every fall. I get super excited about the kids and super sick at the same time.
This year, I am disappointed. Not about my class! I am excited for the grade levels I will be working with this year...even if that does mean SIX FCAT tested areas! YIPES! No, I am disappointed because the skinny me did not reveal herself. She remained hidden. I guess she has had enough school and wanted to stay out of it for awhile. Chicken. She should have shown herself. Been brave and faced the excited little faces with me. Oh, well, her loss.
Skinny me, when I do find you, I am going to make sure you stick around for a long long time...and you will go to school with me every day! HA!
My search is not over. I will find her. I just have to use different tools and tactics, pull her out of hiding. I will find you, Skinny me, make no mistake about that. I will find you...one day.
This year, I am disappointed. Not about my class! I am excited for the grade levels I will be working with this year...even if that does mean SIX FCAT tested areas! YIPES! No, I am disappointed because the skinny me did not reveal herself. She remained hidden. I guess she has had enough school and wanted to stay out of it for awhile. Chicken. She should have shown herself. Been brave and faced the excited little faces with me. Oh, well, her loss.
Skinny me, when I do find you, I am going to make sure you stick around for a long long time...and you will go to school with me every day! HA!
My search is not over. I will find her. I just have to use different tools and tactics, pull her out of hiding. I will find you, Skinny me, make no mistake about that. I will find you...one day.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
summer is almost over! : {.
Wow! I can't believe that summer is almost over! Wahhh!
Am I crying because I can't stay up all night and then sleep in the next day? Probably. Am I crying because I won't be able to go to the bathroom whenever I want? Yep, I think so. But the main reason I am crying that summer is over is that I still have not found the skinny me??? I have tried, searched, worked out, ate correctly, gagged down supplements, and DID NOT WEIGH!
I can't believe that it has been almost two months and I have very little to show for it! sigh
Skinny me, where are you? Did you move to France without me??
Am I crying because I can't stay up all night and then sleep in the next day? Probably. Am I crying because I won't be able to go to the bathroom whenever I want? Yep, I think so. But the main reason I am crying that summer is over is that I still have not found the skinny me??? I have tried, searched, worked out, ate correctly, gagged down supplements, and DID NOT WEIGH!
I can't believe that it has been almost two months and I have very little to show for it! sigh
Skinny me, where are you? Did you move to France without me??
Monday, July 12, 2010
can't believe I forgot to weigh!!!
It's Monday!! I usually don't enjoy Monday mornings very much...means the end of a relaxing or fun filled weekend, but today, I LOVE MONDAY...and, even more so...I LOVE MONDAY MORNING!!! Yeah!! I never thought I would say that!! I love Monday morning???
It's true, I do! Today I woke up and realized that I totally forgot to weigh myself on Friday...my weigh day. Totally forgot!! Not just an "ugh, I don't really want to weigh myself today because I know I did not lose any weight" or a "do I really have to do this and feel horrible about myself the rest of the week?" NO! I totally and completely forgot! Woke up Friday morning wanting to play Just Dance! Threw my sweats on, moved the sofa back as far as the way...again...made a healthy breakfast of homemade granola and almond milk, picked up Joshy and then danced the morning away! I think I even beat Olivia! ONCE! But, hey, I beat her!!!
[ here is the link for granola recipe...I use agave syrup instead of honey...same consistency and well, I can't have honey! YUM!!
http://renegadehealth.com/blog/2008/05/28/the-best-raw-granola-on-planet-earth-and-possibly-elsewhere-the-renegade-health-show-episode-62/ ]
Truth is, I am afraid to weigh. I do not want to see that no results have been made in my weight loss quest. I do not want to feel badly about my body, especially since I am getting older and unable to stop that. I do not want to feel as if all the effort I have been making is not showing any results on the scale. All of that is true. But, I don't think about that until way late in the day when it is just too late to weigh. I know, I should be able to weigh at any time, whenever I remember...just keep it consistent and limited to once a week, right? No way....I way in the morning only! Before I eat, after potty and before I do anything else. And, since I am trying to be good at this...I only weigh on Fridays. So why have I not weighed for 2 weeks??? I totally forgot because I had something more fun on my mind...Joshy and dancing!!
[ site on when to weigh for best weight loss results...
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=55489 ]
That's the key to me to not be soooo obsessed with this weight loss... keeping busy and keeping focused on something else. THAT IS HUGE for me!! To focus on something besides my weight?? I have not done that for at least 30 years!! I am doing it now!
I know I have not lost any weight...my pants are still tight when I put them on straight out of the dryer. My shirts still cling just a little too tight for my comfort. I still can't wear all the cute clothes I bought 2 summers ago that are amazing still in style! That's how I know I have not lost one pound! I know that. I guess the difference is that now I have accepted it.
I am doing everything "right" according to all the experts on how to lose weight:
1. diet....no sugar, no honey, no soy, no dairy, no fun....got it! Doing great with that!
2. exercise...3 times a week at the Y, training with Justin once a week, dancing like crazy on Just Dance or Dance Dance Revolution. Loving that!
3. sleep...ah...wonderful sleep....I LOVE this part of the regiment! Yeah, summer!! I love you!!
4. levels check...once a week with Dr. Walsh, seeing progress each week! Yeah!
5. reading scripture...also reading Love to Eat, Hate to Eat by Elyse Fitzpatrick.
[ http://www.harvesthousepublishers.com/books_nonfictionbook.cfm?productID=6914382 ]
No weight loss. No "new & cute" wardrobe. No success story to win $500! So, what DO I have to show for this?? I've been working on this over a month, with a LOT of accountability! I write down everything that enters into the huge portal on my face. Olivia keeps me honest, that's for sure. Dr. Walsh checks levels. Justin trains me. So, what DO I have to show for all of this??
Well, I forgot to weigh on Friday and did not even think about it until this morning, and I could not weigh because it was MONDAY!! Yeah!! THAT'S what I have to show for all of this!!!
Okay, got to go...time to DANCE!!!
[ http://www.nintendo.com/games/detail/lsuOIrpVDZGNKP-14iVQumsPxZ8e_LmR and...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JzcqALklRs ]
It's true, I do! Today I woke up and realized that I totally forgot to weigh myself on Friday...my weigh day. Totally forgot!! Not just an "ugh, I don't really want to weigh myself today because I know I did not lose any weight" or a "do I really have to do this and feel horrible about myself the rest of the week?" NO! I totally and completely forgot! Woke up Friday morning wanting to play Just Dance! Threw my sweats on, moved the sofa back as far as the way...again...made a healthy breakfast of homemade granola and almond milk, picked up Joshy and then danced the morning away! I think I even beat Olivia! ONCE! But, hey, I beat her!!!
[ here is the link for granola recipe...I use agave syrup instead of honey...same consistency and well, I can't have honey! YUM!!
http://renegadehealth.com/blog/2008/05/28/the-best-raw-granola-on-planet-earth-and-possibly-elsewhere-the-renegade-health-show-episode-62/ ]
Truth is, I am afraid to weigh. I do not want to see that no results have been made in my weight loss quest. I do not want to feel badly about my body, especially since I am getting older and unable to stop that. I do not want to feel as if all the effort I have been making is not showing any results on the scale. All of that is true. But, I don't think about that until way late in the day when it is just too late to weigh. I know, I should be able to weigh at any time, whenever I remember...just keep it consistent and limited to once a week, right? No way....I way in the morning only! Before I eat, after potty and before I do anything else. And, since I am trying to be good at this...I only weigh on Fridays. So why have I not weighed for 2 weeks??? I totally forgot because I had something more fun on my mind...Joshy and dancing!!
[ site on when to weigh for best weight loss results...
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=55489 ]
That's the key to me to not be soooo obsessed with this weight loss... keeping busy and keeping focused on something else. THAT IS HUGE for me!! To focus on something besides my weight?? I have not done that for at least 30 years!! I am doing it now!
I know I have not lost any weight...my pants are still tight when I put them on straight out of the dryer. My shirts still cling just a little too tight for my comfort. I still can't wear all the cute clothes I bought 2 summers ago that are amazing still in style! That's how I know I have not lost one pound! I know that. I guess the difference is that now I have accepted it.
I am doing everything "right" according to all the experts on how to lose weight:
1. diet....no sugar, no honey, no soy, no dairy, no fun....got it! Doing great with that!
2. exercise...3 times a week at the Y, training with Justin once a week, dancing like crazy on Just Dance or Dance Dance Revolution. Loving that!
3. sleep...ah...wonderful sleep....I LOVE this part of the regiment! Yeah, summer!! I love you!!
4. levels check...once a week with Dr. Walsh, seeing progress each week! Yeah!
5. reading scripture...also reading Love to Eat, Hate to Eat by Elyse Fitzpatrick.
[ http://www.harvesthousepublishers.com/books_nonfictionbook.cfm?productID=6914382 ]
No weight loss. No "new & cute" wardrobe. No success story to win $500! So, what DO I have to show for this?? I've been working on this over a month, with a LOT of accountability! I write down everything that enters into the huge portal on my face. Olivia keeps me honest, that's for sure. Dr. Walsh checks levels. Justin trains me. So, what DO I have to show for all of this??
Well, I forgot to weigh on Friday and did not even think about it until this morning, and I could not weigh because it was MONDAY!! Yeah!! THAT'S what I have to show for all of this!!!
Okay, got to go...time to DANCE!!!
[ http://www.nintendo.com/games/detail/lsuOIrpVDZGNKP-14iVQumsPxZ8e_LmR and...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JzcqALklRs ]
Saturday, July 3, 2010
I saw a shadow!!
That's right! Last night at the Y when I was training with Justin, I saw a shadow of the skinny me! SHE WAS THERE! Of course, she was fleeting as shadows are, but I saw her none the less! Do you know what that means?? HOPE!! I am going to find her one day!! Yeah! Now the hunt is on!
I gotta tell ya, I was very surprised to see her! We played Dance Dance Revolution for 4 1/2 hours Thursday/Friday. You would have thought that she would have showed up then, right? I mean, it's a great workout and tons of fun.
I did not even think about her last night. After we went to the doctor, we decided to stop at Thai Thai Village for the absolutely BEST food in the world...yellow mango curry! Yes, I did have a little bit of the rice that was served with it...so I broke my "no grains for a week" attempt. I was actually encouraged to do so by my doctor. When I told him about it, he reminded me that I am a carbo/protein mix based on my metabolic blood type, and if I wanted to find the skinny me, I needed to actually step it up and eat actual carbo/protein meals. He did say that whole wheat breads and even whole wheat pasta is not what I particularly need. He suggested, again, the brown rice, the rice noodles and the rice bread. All of which I have at home. But I did not have yellow mango curry at home, so Thai Thai it was! No sign of the skinny me at dinner. If it were up to me, and someone was serving yellow mango curry, THAT would be the place I would show up!
Not her, it was at the Y! And, it was not even until almost the END of the workout session. Her shadow passed before me when I was doing reverse door kicks on the inclined bench. I was in deep agony, sort of, not really, but if I let Justin know then I would have to do a lot more, and let me tell you, after a yummy yummy dinner like that, I was tired. So, I was doing the right amount of kicks in the right amount of time and I could actually feel the muscles in my stomach responding! How that happened while they were buried deep under a bowl full of yellow mango curry, I just don't know. But for a second, there she was....the skinny me!
And, it's about time, too! I have been in search of her for a while, as you know. And let me tell ya, she is very illusive. Great at hiding, especially after dinner. Usually no where to be seen, not even a glimpse.
Ha ha! I almost got you!! Next time, next time! I am going to find her, you can count on that!
I gotta tell ya, I was very surprised to see her! We played Dance Dance Revolution for 4 1/2 hours Thursday/Friday. You would have thought that she would have showed up then, right? I mean, it's a great workout and tons of fun.
I did not even think about her last night. After we went to the doctor, we decided to stop at Thai Thai Village for the absolutely BEST food in the world...yellow mango curry! Yes, I did have a little bit of the rice that was served with it...so I broke my "no grains for a week" attempt. I was actually encouraged to do so by my doctor. When I told him about it, he reminded me that I am a carbo/protein mix based on my metabolic blood type, and if I wanted to find the skinny me, I needed to actually step it up and eat actual carbo/protein meals. He did say that whole wheat breads and even whole wheat pasta is not what I particularly need. He suggested, again, the brown rice, the rice noodles and the rice bread. All of which I have at home. But I did not have yellow mango curry at home, so Thai Thai it was! No sign of the skinny me at dinner. If it were up to me, and someone was serving yellow mango curry, THAT would be the place I would show up!
Not her, it was at the Y! And, it was not even until almost the END of the workout session. Her shadow passed before me when I was doing reverse door kicks on the inclined bench. I was in deep agony, sort of, not really, but if I let Justin know then I would have to do a lot more, and let me tell you, after a yummy yummy dinner like that, I was tired. So, I was doing the right amount of kicks in the right amount of time and I could actually feel the muscles in my stomach responding! How that happened while they were buried deep under a bowl full of yellow mango curry, I just don't know. But for a second, there she was....the skinny me!
And, it's about time, too! I have been in search of her for a while, as you know. And let me tell ya, she is very illusive. Great at hiding, especially after dinner. Usually no where to be seen, not even a glimpse.
Ha ha! I almost got you!! Next time, next time! I am going to find her, you can count on that!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
No carbs week begins tomorrow!!
Last week, before heading to the doctor, I filled out the metabolic eating type questionairre. Found out I am carbo/protein mixed type. That works great, except I have such a high intolerance for wheat/gluten. I know that not all carbs come from bread, but that is my favorite type of carb! That's for sure! I tried the carbo/protein mixed diet and really liked it. Who wouldn't, right? I loved it, but my body reacted pretty negatively...bloated, gassy (sorry, Olivia!) and just down right uncomfortable. The carbs I eat are rice, rice noodles, noodles made from veggies, quinoa, rice bread. Carbs that should be healthy, right? I thought so, too. But, they were still having an adverse affect on me, healthy or not....( I really need to say sorry to Olivia again! ha! ) So, after talking with Trinh, I decided to give up pastas, rice, bread, grains...only for a week to start. If I feel a big difference, then I will give it up for longer. If there is no difference what so ever, then I can slowly add back in the healthy carbs I had before.
So excited!! My no grains carbs tryout begins tomorrow! Woo hoo!!
So excited!! My no grains carbs tryout begins tomorrow! Woo hoo!!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
lack of motivation...sigh
So...in reviewing my blog, I realized it has been over a week since I have posted any progress..or regression...in my quest for the skinny me! Alas, she is still out of my reach, still hiding somewhere behind the jar of Nutella, I am sure, nowhere to be found. So, to continue with this quest, I must review what I have done since the beginning of this blog.
Work out? Check.
Maybe not as often as I should. I tend to be an extremist, I found out. I either work out all the time with no rest in between sessions to heal and grow, or I work out not at all, just wishing I could fit into my skinny jeans, munching on sugar free cookies. This summer, I implemented the help of a trainer, not only to help me know what is the best work out for the results I want, but also to keep me motivated. Thank you, Justin!! And, I have the best work out partner ever...OLIVIA!! Only problem is that we have been hit with a little snotty sore throat bug that also likes chocolate and does not like working out. I think that bug is almost gone, so our routine begins again. Yeah! Work out? CHECK!
Sleep? Definitely check. That is an area that has not been lacking this summer! LOVE SUMMER VACATION!!
http://www.better-sleep-better-life.com/benefits-of-sleep.html
Diet? Check! No dairy, no soy, no honey, and no refined sugar. I know, sounds like no fun, but we are actually making it work! It's amazing what recipes we are developing in the pursuit of this way of eating. Last week at the doctor's (nutrition response testing), Olivia & I were told that we were progressing beautifully! He actually called us over achievers! Yeah! Just wish the fat would listen, and leave.
http://www.drwalshcares.com/index.php?p=29108
Supplements? Absolutely check! I am even taking the ones that stink! Zypan! Nasty stuff. It is healing my body from all the years of eating everything I wanted even if it was bad for me.
Motivation?...Motivation?...ahemmm...MOTIVATION?
Ah, so that is where the issue lies. I have all the other parts of this project to be successful. I am working out with a great partner, eating right...and often (6 small meals daily), getting plenty of sleep, and taking my supplements as needed. But what I am lacking most is motivation.
Maybe I am just lazy. That could be it. Maybe I like just sitting on my couch, huddled under my big blanket with the air conditioning pouring out cool air, watching Food Network and the Cooking channel, and every once in a while, Jerseylicious....okay, I know that is a crazy show, but have you seen it?? It's hilarious!
If I stay there on the couch, protected under my heavy blankets, I don't have to face the fact that my weight is not coming off no matter how much I work out or what I do NOT eat. I don't have to face the fact that after almost 10 years of being divorced I am still single with absolutely no hope in finding the right guy. I don't have to face the fact that after the recession hit, I mean depression hit, not getting a kick backs from the investments, I am a little more grounded.
So...what am I really thinking about all this?? Do I really think that if I lose the weight, work out 'til you can bounce a quarter off me... (right now when I try that, I lose the quarter! When I tighten up, I may end up being a millionaire with all the cash lost! hahaha!!!)...look good to my standards, that I will meet and fall in love THEN?? IS THAT WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD??? Maybe. Probably more the FRONT of my mind, really….as often as I think about it. When I was thinner, I did have guys asking me out. Not the right guys, but guys. Now that I am heavier, no one is even looking, much less asking. IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT?? Is that where my motivation is coming from? If it is, then no wonder I lack motivation. hmmmm...I need to think about this one.
My motivation can not come from the "possibility" of finding love. I can not base my hope in a man. Unless, of course, that man is Jesus Christ. Every other man will let me down. Has let me down. Even my made up imaginary beautiful French man will let me down. So, if my motivation can not be for "love"...then what?
Health?? Well, sure, I would be much healthier if I lost 20 pounds. But, according to my doctor's visit, I am doing great My sugar levels are way down, my asthma is almost a non issue. I am sleeping all through the night. Even Justin told me last training session, that I was actually in good shape, health wise. I can walk 10 miles in one sitting and not die. So, if not for love and not for health, then for what??
For Christ? He did say that our bodies are His temple, that we should be ready to do His work at any time. That, without a doubt should be my motivation. To be ready to work for Him…but, I am. Really. What He has called for me do so far, I have done. He provides my health. He provides my ability. That should be enough, right? Then why isn't it?
Clothes? Well, maybe. I do have a closet full of really cute clothes that I can not fit into to. I am not ready to give them up to Good Will or sell them at a garage sale just yet. I know I said I was, but in all honesty, I am not. I still want that skinny me back!!! Is that my motivation?? I WANT THAT SKINNY ME BACK FOR ME!!!
Then if THAT is my motivation, why isn’t it working?? Why am I still not losing weight?? Why do I still feel huge?? Why can I not fit into my skinny clothes? I am working out, eating right, taking supplements, sleeping!! Definitely, sleeping. So why am I not seeing any results??
Oh, yeah, it’s because of my age, right? I don’t buy that. I see women older than me who look fantastic! I want to look fantastic! Hey, I would settle for “good” right now; fantastic later.
It is so discouraging, frustrating, humiliating when I do what I can and have nothing to show for it!! ARGHHH!!! I know, I know, it will take time. It did not get put on overnight, so it won’t come off overnight. I have been told that a lot, but what is discouraging is that it has been more than just overnight that I have been working on this. I know I can be so hard on myself. It is just sooo discouraging. I am not going to stop. I will keep eating right. I will keep working out. I will sleep the right amount. I will keep taking the nasty supplements. I will not stop.
I will not stop.
Thank you for letting me vent!! Hope to post better results, progress, next time!
Work out? Check.
Maybe not as often as I should. I tend to be an extremist, I found out. I either work out all the time with no rest in between sessions to heal and grow, or I work out not at all, just wishing I could fit into my skinny jeans, munching on sugar free cookies. This summer, I implemented the help of a trainer, not only to help me know what is the best work out for the results I want, but also to keep me motivated. Thank you, Justin!! And, I have the best work out partner ever...OLIVIA!! Only problem is that we have been hit with a little snotty sore throat bug that also likes chocolate and does not like working out. I think that bug is almost gone, so our routine begins again. Yeah! Work out? CHECK!
Sleep? Definitely check. That is an area that has not been lacking this summer! LOVE SUMMER VACATION!!
http://www.better-sleep-better-life.com/benefits-of-sleep.html
Diet? Check! No dairy, no soy, no honey, and no refined sugar. I know, sounds like no fun, but we are actually making it work! It's amazing what recipes we are developing in the pursuit of this way of eating. Last week at the doctor's (nutrition response testing), Olivia & I were told that we were progressing beautifully! He actually called us over achievers! Yeah! Just wish the fat would listen, and leave.
http://www.drwalshcares.com/index.php?p=29108
Supplements? Absolutely check! I am even taking the ones that stink! Zypan! Nasty stuff. It is healing my body from all the years of eating everything I wanted even if it was bad for me.
Motivation?...Motivation?...ahemmm...MOTIVATION?
Ah, so that is where the issue lies. I have all the other parts of this project to be successful. I am working out with a great partner, eating right...and often (6 small meals daily), getting plenty of sleep, and taking my supplements as needed. But what I am lacking most is motivation.
Maybe I am just lazy. That could be it. Maybe I like just sitting on my couch, huddled under my big blanket with the air conditioning pouring out cool air, watching Food Network and the Cooking channel, and every once in a while, Jerseylicious....okay, I know that is a crazy show, but have you seen it?? It's hilarious!
If I stay there on the couch, protected under my heavy blankets, I don't have to face the fact that my weight is not coming off no matter how much I work out or what I do NOT eat. I don't have to face the fact that after almost 10 years of being divorced I am still single with absolutely no hope in finding the right guy. I don't have to face the fact that after the recession hit, I mean depression hit, not getting a kick backs from the investments, I am a little more grounded.
So...what am I really thinking about all this?? Do I really think that if I lose the weight, work out 'til you can bounce a quarter off me... (right now when I try that, I lose the quarter! When I tighten up, I may end up being a millionaire with all the cash lost! hahaha!!!)...look good to my standards, that I will meet and fall in love THEN?? IS THAT WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD??? Maybe. Probably more the FRONT of my mind, really….as often as I think about it. When I was thinner, I did have guys asking me out. Not the right guys, but guys. Now that I am heavier, no one is even looking, much less asking. IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT?? Is that where my motivation is coming from? If it is, then no wonder I lack motivation. hmmmm...I need to think about this one.
My motivation can not come from the "possibility" of finding love. I can not base my hope in a man. Unless, of course, that man is Jesus Christ. Every other man will let me down. Has let me down. Even my made up imaginary beautiful French man will let me down. So, if my motivation can not be for "love"...then what?
Health?? Well, sure, I would be much healthier if I lost 20 pounds. But, according to my doctor's visit, I am doing great My sugar levels are way down, my asthma is almost a non issue. I am sleeping all through the night. Even Justin told me last training session, that I was actually in good shape, health wise. I can walk 10 miles in one sitting and not die. So, if not for love and not for health, then for what??
For Christ? He did say that our bodies are His temple, that we should be ready to do His work at any time. That, without a doubt should be my motivation. To be ready to work for Him…but, I am. Really. What He has called for me do so far, I have done. He provides my health. He provides my ability. That should be enough, right? Then why isn't it?
Clothes? Well, maybe. I do have a closet full of really cute clothes that I can not fit into to. I am not ready to give them up to Good Will or sell them at a garage sale just yet. I know I said I was, but in all honesty, I am not. I still want that skinny me back!!! Is that my motivation?? I WANT THAT SKINNY ME BACK FOR ME!!!
Then if THAT is my motivation, why isn’t it working?? Why am I still not losing weight?? Why do I still feel huge?? Why can I not fit into my skinny clothes? I am working out, eating right, taking supplements, sleeping!! Definitely, sleeping. So why am I not seeing any results??
Oh, yeah, it’s because of my age, right? I don’t buy that. I see women older than me who look fantastic! I want to look fantastic! Hey, I would settle for “good” right now; fantastic later.
It is so discouraging, frustrating, humiliating when I do what I can and have nothing to show for it!! ARGHHH!!! I know, I know, it will take time. It did not get put on overnight, so it won’t come off overnight. I have been told that a lot, but what is discouraging is that it has been more than just overnight that I have been working on this. I know I can be so hard on myself. It is just sooo discouraging. I am not going to stop. I will keep eating right. I will keep working out. I will sleep the right amount. I will keep taking the nasty supplements. I will not stop.
I will not stop.
Thank you for letting me vent!! Hope to post better results, progress, next time!
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